Day 31: DONE!!! And notes on food

I'm done! Except... I suspect perhaps I'm not.

We made brunch this morning. It seemed the obvious thing to do - brunch is my favorite meal and food category, and I have been really enjoying the mindfulness of preparing food. This was a little stressy due to a late awakening, but still turned out good.

The food was prepared well, and tasted as it should. I'm hesitating to use the word, 'Delicious', because I was totally overwhelmed by the heaviness of everything, and I felt like a stone after eating. I don't think I had a huge portion. 

I found myself craving a green drink. I picked up another box of juices this morning, and had one. It was fantastic.  So... keeping up with juices + small meals that are not butter-themed. And lots of soup (I love soup!)

Day 30 pt 2: One drink left.

6:30 yoga, 9pm final drink... and then what?

I was telling Stacy this morning that I can't imagine NOT having green drinks at this point.

Day 30: Oh sure, NOW it gets easy.

I'm walking on air today.

I've been going through this thing assuming that when I'm done, all the weighty, heavy, sluggishness will eventually return as I gradually devolve back into a fried-starch and red-meat based diet.

Why, though? This is great... I feel great, I'm happier. And... the little bits of soup I've had here and there I've actually enjoyed way more than the burger and fries that I usually have.  Why not just keep doing a version of this? Lots of green drinks, more soup, perhaps when nobody's looking, the occasional piece of cheese?

Thank you Stacy, Mary, Nicole, and everyone at Global Yoga.

Day 29 pt 3: A Weird Thing Happened

So, as has happened a fair bit during this fast, I had to leave work today because I just got exhausted and needed to lie down for an hour or two.  Every time this has happened, I've ended up being very energetic at night, and have used the opportunity to get work done later (which I believe is our real natural cycle anyway. YOU GO, SPAIN.)

It was different today. I had an extremely difficulty morning - angry, irritable, and difficulty rallying to do anything. When I got home and slept, it felt 'urgent'. I was really having trouble keeping my eyes open and my head up.  I slept for about three hours, instead of one or two, and literally couldn't lift my head off the pillow at one point when my phone rang.  However, while this was happening, I had the weirdest sensation. I could tangibly feel a sensation all over my body - a tingling (good, not like leg-asleep). I honestly felt like my body was morphing in real time. In retrospect, it felt like going into a tiny cocoon.

When I woke up, my body shape was visibly different. Enough to be surprising. My entire torso seemed smaller.  And, most exciting of all... the shirt that I've never worn because it never fit....  (HELL YEAH!!!)

Day 29 pt 2: TWO TWENTY EIGHT.

Two. Twenty. Eight.

Wow.... just wow.

Day 29: Not quite.

My friend Barb once said, "Having too rigid a definition of who and what you are is just asking the universe to fuck with you."  I'm probably misquoting a word or two, but I'm getting the basic thrust correct.

Today lacks most of the joy and peace that yesterday had in such abundance. And I'm every bit as irritable and impatient as I've been in the worst of times. It's a Fuck You Friday, and it's only Wednesday.

I know that some days are just better than others, and I don't really need to read into it all that much. I am still very happy that I've done something good, and I trust that I'll continue to feel better, despite the occasional crappy day.

Today is the first day of my FIFTH WEEK. I am 94% done.

Day 28: CAN I GET A WITNESS

Man, I can TASTE THE FINISH LINE. Which, I might add, would be a fantastic semi-ironic catch-phrase for a sports drink.  PowerCrusherAdeGator: TASTE THE FINISH LINE.

I was telling Stacy last night that, compared to where I started, this change in my body (and mind, spirit) seems more significant than the three months of Teacher Training. Admitted, when I went to TT, I had been doing yoga almost every day for 6 months, so I was in fightin' shape before I started, whereas with this - I was on the, "all meat & bread, all fried, all the time" diet before I started, so the comparison isn't really fair.

Still, I can't help but be stunned at how much you can really change yourself in how short a time. All you have to do is commit to something crazy.  I look at the changes that a single, measly month has brought and think - not only am I feeling wonderful and thin and young and bright, but my attitude about life and the world around me has changed quite a bit.  I find myself being less negative, less snarky, less critical, and less concerned with being "right".   I find myself walking more slowly, smelling the morning grass and the flowers on the air of spring. I'm paying attention.  What an extraordinary gift!  And, really - all things considered.... what a cheap price to pay for it.

Day 25, 26, 27: Nearing the Finish

I'm going to hold off on summarizing observations, or at least in making them overly grand, until I'm entirely finished with the 30 days.  However, I can't help but notice that... I spent this weekend feeling fantastic in every way. When I see my face or my whole body in a mirror, I like what I see, for the first time in a very, very long time.  Every little injury I had when I started seems gone, or faded into the background.  I've had one and only one migraine all month, compared to almost once a day before I started.

I really do feel like it is a miracle.

Woke up in the middle of last night screaming and gasping for air, like I was drowning. I forgot about it until this morning. I also woke up to write myself an elaborate design note (still in my iPhone) for a simulation system that I first started thinking of in Bali.  So, I can only imagine what strange dreams I had.

For the rest of this week, I'm slowly going to be reintroducing a little bit of food - miso soup, some avocado - to ease back in to what I am QUITE certain will be a glorious victory brunch, and then off to visit friends in faraway cities to celebrate.

Day 24: Enough already

This final stretch is tough. I feel soooooo weak. I've been very irritable and short - yesterday there were kids crying near the day care and I was genuinely upset with them. When you find yourself actually thinking, "WHY WON'T THAT ONE-YEAR-OLD JUST SHUT UP?", you know you've turned the grouchiness corner.

I had to eat a little bit of food last night (indian lentil soup), because I was just spinning in my head, in an almost panicky way, "must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat". I spent a lot of yesterday counting the days, the hours, the minutes left...  I realize this is mostly mental, but still - whatever this is, it is hard.  I'm having difficulty finding enthusiasm for anything, which sucks.

It'll pass.

Day 23 pt 2: Final Quarter

As of my 3pm drink, I've passed 3/4 done.

Hunger in the last few days has been apocalyptic. Pang, pang, pang.

Day 23: You kids get off my lawn

I'm super-irrationally irritable today. I have no idea why. I can definitely say that I'm ready to re-join the food eaters, though.  One week left.

I can do it, but man - I'd kill for some breakfast tacos.