Day 31: DONE!!! And notes on food

I'm done! Except... I suspect perhaps I'm not.

We made brunch this morning. It seemed the obvious thing to do - brunch is my favorite meal and food category, and I have been really enjoying the mindfulness of preparing food. This was a little stressy due to a late awakening, but still turned out good.

The food was prepared well, and tasted as it should. I'm hesitating to use the word, 'Delicious', because I was totally overwhelmed by the heaviness of everything, and I felt like a stone after eating. I don't think I had a huge portion. 

I found myself craving a green drink. I picked up another box of juices this morning, and had one. It was fantastic.  So... keeping up with juices + small meals that are not butter-themed. And lots of soup (I love soup!)

Day 30 pt 2: One drink left.

6:30 yoga, 9pm final drink... and then what?

I was telling Stacy this morning that I can't imagine NOT having green drinks at this point.

Day 30: Oh sure, NOW it gets easy.

I'm walking on air today.

I've been going through this thing assuming that when I'm done, all the weighty, heavy, sluggishness will eventually return as I gradually devolve back into a fried-starch and red-meat based diet.

Why, though? This is great... I feel great, I'm happier. And... the little bits of soup I've had here and there I've actually enjoyed way more than the burger and fries that I usually have.  Why not just keep doing a version of this? Lots of green drinks, more soup, perhaps when nobody's looking, the occasional piece of cheese?

Thank you Stacy, Mary, Nicole, and everyone at Global Yoga.

Day 29 pt 3: A Weird Thing Happened

So, as has happened a fair bit during this fast, I had to leave work today because I just got exhausted and needed to lie down for an hour or two.  Every time this has happened, I've ended up being very energetic at night, and have used the opportunity to get work done later (which I believe is our real natural cycle anyway. YOU GO, SPAIN.)

It was different today. I had an extremely difficulty morning - angry, irritable, and difficulty rallying to do anything. When I got home and slept, it felt 'urgent'. I was really having trouble keeping my eyes open and my head up.  I slept for about three hours, instead of one or two, and literally couldn't lift my head off the pillow at one point when my phone rang.  However, while this was happening, I had the weirdest sensation. I could tangibly feel a sensation all over my body - a tingling (good, not like leg-asleep). I honestly felt like my body was morphing in real time. In retrospect, it felt like going into a tiny cocoon.

When I woke up, my body shape was visibly different. Enough to be surprising. My entire torso seemed smaller.  And, most exciting of all... the shirt that I've never worn because it never fit....  (HELL YEAH!!!)

Day 29 pt 2: TWO TWENTY EIGHT.

Two. Twenty. Eight.

Wow.... just wow.

Day 29: Not quite.

My friend Barb once said, "Having too rigid a definition of who and what you are is just asking the universe to fuck with you."  I'm probably misquoting a word or two, but I'm getting the basic thrust correct.

Today lacks most of the joy and peace that yesterday had in such abundance. And I'm every bit as irritable and impatient as I've been in the worst of times. It's a Fuck You Friday, and it's only Wednesday.

I know that some days are just better than others, and I don't really need to read into it all that much. I am still very happy that I've done something good, and I trust that I'll continue to feel better, despite the occasional crappy day.

Today is the first day of my FIFTH WEEK. I am 94% done.

Day 28: CAN I GET A WITNESS

Man, I can TASTE THE FINISH LINE. Which, I might add, would be a fantastic semi-ironic catch-phrase for a sports drink.  PowerCrusherAdeGator: TASTE THE FINISH LINE.

I was telling Stacy last night that, compared to where I started, this change in my body (and mind, spirit) seems more significant than the three months of Teacher Training. Admitted, when I went to TT, I had been doing yoga almost every day for 6 months, so I was in fightin' shape before I started, whereas with this - I was on the, "all meat & bread, all fried, all the time" diet before I started, so the comparison isn't really fair.

Still, I can't help but be stunned at how much you can really change yourself in how short a time. All you have to do is commit to something crazy.  I look at the changes that a single, measly month has brought and think - not only am I feeling wonderful and thin and young and bright, but my attitude about life and the world around me has changed quite a bit.  I find myself being less negative, less snarky, less critical, and less concerned with being "right".   I find myself walking more slowly, smelling the morning grass and the flowers on the air of spring. I'm paying attention.  What an extraordinary gift!  And, really - all things considered.... what a cheap price to pay for it.

Day 25, 26, 27: Nearing the Finish

I'm going to hold off on summarizing observations, or at least in making them overly grand, until I'm entirely finished with the 30 days.  However, I can't help but notice that... I spent this weekend feeling fantastic in every way. When I see my face or my whole body in a mirror, I like what I see, for the first time in a very, very long time.  Every little injury I had when I started seems gone, or faded into the background.  I've had one and only one migraine all month, compared to almost once a day before I started.

I really do feel like it is a miracle.

Woke up in the middle of last night screaming and gasping for air, like I was drowning. I forgot about it until this morning. I also woke up to write myself an elaborate design note (still in my iPhone) for a simulation system that I first started thinking of in Bali.  So, I can only imagine what strange dreams I had.

For the rest of this week, I'm slowly going to be reintroducing a little bit of food - miso soup, some avocado - to ease back in to what I am QUITE certain will be a glorious victory brunch, and then off to visit friends in faraway cities to celebrate.

Day 24: Enough already

This final stretch is tough. I feel soooooo weak. I've been very irritable and short - yesterday there were kids crying near the day care and I was genuinely upset with them. When you find yourself actually thinking, "WHY WON'T THAT ONE-YEAR-OLD JUST SHUT UP?", you know you've turned the grouchiness corner.

I had to eat a little bit of food last night (indian lentil soup), because I was just spinning in my head, in an almost panicky way, "must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat". I spent a lot of yesterday counting the days, the hours, the minutes left...  I realize this is mostly mental, but still - whatever this is, it is hard.  I'm having difficulty finding enthusiasm for anything, which sucks.

It'll pass.

Day 23 pt 2: Final Quarter

As of my 3pm drink, I've passed 3/4 done.

Hunger in the last few days has been apocalyptic. Pang, pang, pang.

Day 23: You kids get off my lawn

I'm super-irrationally irritable today. I have no idea why. I can definitely say that I'm ready to re-join the food eaters, though.  One week left.

I can do it, but man - I'd kill for some breakfast tacos.

Day 22: Parallels

So, according to the Juice Fasting 'what to expect' link that Nicole sent me last week, in days 16-30, the physical cleansing begins to be 'complete', and the body shifts to emotional, mental, energetic cleaning.

But, I mean... just because physical detoxification was physically challenging, that doesn't mean that emotional detoxification would be emotionally challenging, though, right...?    Right?   Oooof.

I'm going back to my blanket/couch-cushion fort. I shall only be disturbed for Cinnamon Buns.

(Also, 3 weeks DONE! First day of week 4!!!)

Day 21 pt 3: HUNGER

Man, this last stretch is challenging. I am really, really, really hungry.

Day 21 pt 2: One more thing

Hey, if you're reading this... throw down a comment. I could use the moral support! (Nicole & Stacy, you have been doing this, and it's awesome).

Day 21: Final Third

Today is the first day of the last third of my fast, and also the last day of the third week.

It's getting to the point where I don't really even know how to keep this interesting... I feel like it's just more of, "I feel great, I'm wearing clothes from 10 years ago (the stylish ones), I am more positive and happy, why don't we all do this all the time"? 

I am thinking more and more about how to make this feeling last beyond the fast, while still getting to embrace the loving preparation and sharing of food.  I don't have any answers yet.

One humorous thing that I've noticed is what I call, "subconscious eating". Yesterday I went to the grocery store to get butcher bones to make bone broth for a friend who just gave birth.  While I was waiting for them to package things up, there was a display with samples of chips & salsa.  And then suddenly I had one in my mouth. From a consciousness point of view, it was an immediate jump, as though my brain was like, "Right, so - the conscious part keeps thwarting my attempts to get us food, despite all the extra focus and alertness I gave it. Time for plan B. We need to turn off the conscious part for a few seconds - long enough to get chips, but not so long as to end up walking into traffic."  I'm not trying to shirk responsibility for phantom snacking, I just think it was funny that the willpower part seemingly got circumvented.  Very sneaky, brain...

Day 18, 19, 20: Enlightenment, Slips

This was an epic weekend. We had friends in from out of town, Avatar won the VFX Oscar, and I sat through not one, not two, but three gatherings of friends in which food was lovingly prepared and consumed. I managed to succeed at not cheating, other than a small taste of the homemade breakfast hash at one particular gathering.

At yoga on Sunday morning, I felt like my body had mostly adjusted to this new nutritional foundation. I felt light, strong, and entirely without panic. I think that's the thing I notice most about this process - a lack of panic, anxiety, and a noticeable decrease in stress, in every-day things.  I am calm and cheerful as a default, and that's really refreshing (and new).

I said to Mary after class on Sunday that I didn't know that this process would be a miracle. Indulging my love of hyperbole, for sure, but it really does feel somewhat miraculous.  My body has changed more in 20 days than I would have believed possible.  On Friday night, I wore pants that I got as a gift on my 25th birthday. On Saturday, I wore the pants that I'd been keeping around as a 'maybe one day' hopeful thing. They were loose. 

So... all of this makes me feel pretty bad about totally screwing up last night.  For some reason, our fireplace turned on in the middle of the night and I couldn't find the remote to switch it off. As I wandered around the kitchen at 3am, looking everywhere for the remote... it got me.  Our friends had ordered pizza from Little Star - deep dish, Chicago Style - and there was like a little less than half a piece left. A taste turned into more tastes turned into there-is-no-more-pizza.  It was phenomenal tasting, of course.  I feel like I weigh twenty pounds more this morning. I'm not beating myself up about it too much, but I can clearly feel that it has sorta damped the feeling of great change.

Still, I can't be too disappointed, overall. I feel wonderful, and today is a new day.

Day 17: Ow

A strange side effect of this fasting is that my flexibility has increased dramatically, seemingly by itself. It's not in response to any aggressive stretching on my part. This is fun and interesting, but it also means there's all these new places to find in the poses in Yoga class.

Last night I pushed too hard in class, I think. I managed to fight off the dizzyness, but my whole upper back and neck feel like somebody beat me with a bat. A small bat, to be sure, but a bat nonetheless.

I think this part of my back has basically been frozen - when I move my shoulders, my shoulder-blades make this gross clicking noise as the bones scrape against each other. The tightness back there is enough to make veteran massage therapists express surprise.  I think I'm just starting to heal and break down that area, and that's where the discomfort is coming from.   Still, I'm grouchy as hell this morning.  I'm reminded of something Mary says in class from time to time, variations on, "It's hard to be enlightened when your spine is in pain." (Pardon the misquote, if I have...)

Ow.

Day 16: Past Halfway

PAST HALFWAY!!!!!

I won't say it's easy.... but it's definitely easier. My focus and concentration have come back, and every day I feel lighter and more expansive. My dreams and daydreams are filled with leaping flips and flight.

I feel like my appreciation for food has (and will remain) changed. I don't want food in a hurry - just because I want to be able to savor and indulge every little bit of every little bite. I want to spend days making Thomas Keller and Grant Aschatz recipes. (Though I don't want to buy any sodium alcinate).

It's funny - I didn't get into this challenge for the purpose of doing a cleanse. Honestly, I mostly did it to see if I could, and because I could tell my body needed clean nutrition and this was the easiest way to do it. If I had decided to do something involving prepared food, I would not have been able to keep it up, or it would have been incredibly expensive.  But, though I didn't do this to cleanse, the cleansing effects have been so obvious and dramatic.  All the yucky crap that came out of my lungs and sinuses, to say the least...

I feel like the cleansing has moved out of the physical and into the emotional and energy. I have so much more conscious control over my focus than I did just a few days ago, I have such an easier time maintaining calm and not getting carried away or upset about anything.

I would recommend this journey to absolutely anyone and everyone.

Day 15 pt 2: So close to halfway...

I'm two drinks away from being HALFWAY DONE.

And... in some weird miracle... today I'm a focus machine.  Concentration, focus, all of them are through the roof.

Day 15: Through the fog

The dizzyness is gone! The dizzyness is gone!!!

I feel light and glowy today. I am curious how long my concentration will last. Most days it seems to fizzle out around 3pm. 

According to that juicefasting link, I should be getting into the last phase of cleansing - glowing for the next 15 days or so. Here's hoping!