War weary.

People in the yoga studio seem a bit haunted today - lots of dark eyes, pale skin, skinny, skinny bodies. I feel strangely unaffected. I feel a lot of changes in my mind and my calm, and I feel my positivity growing by the day, but my body seems totally unchanging. But people around me seem to be shrinking a lot - and not always in a good way.

Rajashree taught class this morning, and I had to place my mat directly in front of her because I asked her yesterday about my misaligned hips. I have been increasingly worried that I'm not even getting to first base with a lot of poses because my hips are so tight and lopsided. Alas, my delusions of being a misfit were shattered when Rajashree said that I had "excellent form" and that "nothing was wrong with me". I just have tight hips. But in her pre-class mini lecture (just 10 minutes or so), she mentioned that this week was the end of the "ease in" and now they can really start to challenge us. I get a little pang of panic every time I hear that. But she also said that in the next two weeks there are going to be a lot of frustrations and emotions coming up, and people are going to get irritated and angry with each other, so we should be easy on each other.

After she said that, today it was like a BOMB went off. People are pissed off at Bikram, pissed off at Craig, pissed off at Doug, pissed off at each other. Lunch was medium snarky. Dinner was medium-well snarky. Our van ride home was a bit aggressive as well... I'm trying to say positive, but even I am irritated at a number of small things. May as well get these things out...

There's a guy in training who just doesn't seem to think that he has to actually do any work to reap any rewards for this. It's as though he thinks that he paid money for a certificate, and this whole "training thing" is just a formality that he can take or leave. He parks his car blocking other people in, shows up late for class, talks during class, sleeps during class... today he practiced diagonally from me in yoga and just drove me nuts. He breathed through his mouth, made grunting noises constantly - talked during the savasanas.. Bikram called him an "idiot". Emmy called him out during class the other day, Craig spoke to him the other day. Apparently today he got a bit shredded by the visiting teacher Dave. And for some reason, he's totally under my skin! Why do I care about this dude? I'm having a really positive experience, making tons of friends, getting really healthy... why am I attaching to this irritant for no reason? Gotta practice letting go of it... there's always going to be an irritant for me to be annoyed by. Let it go. YOU FUCKING MORON! Okay. There. Whew....

Tomorrow morning we have class at 7:30 am, which means we have to leave here at 6:30 am, which means we have to wake up at 6:00-ish.... SO I AM GOING TO SLEEP!