Week 7 in the CAN. This week went by in the blink of an eye - I did five dialogs, each one better than the last. Today's dialog was fantastic - I decided to (respectfully) do the dialog in a southern accent, which for some reason made it DRASTICALLY easier to do - my pacing, emphasis and strength were vastly improved in a made-up voice rather than my own voice. I really think it has something to do with the remaining bits of self dislike - when I hear my own voice, my confidence is diminished. That too is diminishing, but it's interesting to note.
I'm definitely starting to feel the sadness of knowing that these people who ARE my life right now will soon be out of my life, many of them forever. Though, I take great comfort and joy in knowing that even if I only get to "keep" five or ten of these wonderful new friends, that's still a miracle and worth it's weight in gold.
My goal this weekend is to get some of my photos posted onto this blog, to show a bit of the world we inhabit. This weekend we've been invited to a party at Bikram's house, which I'm just so incredibly excited about. I can't wait!!! I'll take plenty of photos there too.
I'm not sure what else to say at the moment - I feel like there's a gradual opening of myself from day to day, but it's subtle. The panic is really leaving - and I feel a thousand pounds lighter. I had no idea how much crap I was carrying. But, from a "narrative" point of view (I can't help but think of this journal as a narrative), it's not tremendously interesting - just more of the same.
Based on established patterns, all prediction mechanisms should predict that next week will destroy me. But I really don't think it will. I feel STRONG.