So, I find myself really resolute about not cheating even a little bit. There was a tiny voice in my head that was all, "maybe you could just have a little bit of grilled chicken now and again". I've done fasts like that, and I know they are still great, but I am just completely curious about what it will be like to really just DO THE HELL out of this.
That being said, I'm also resolute about participating in "life stuff". Last night I picked up my friend Meredith at the airport and we had a drink at the Burningman bar across the street (Noc Noc). I didn't feel bad about this at all. If I had had six drinks or snuck a piece of pizza or something, yeah, that'd be cheating - but hanging out with an old friend, having a drink is joyous.
We went to the 9am yoga class at Global Yoga this morning. The room was, as always, packed mat to mat. Chadd taught a magnificent 'sprinting' class. He didn't hold the poses crazy long, but there was this rushing, whooshing, energetic flow from each pose to the next - there were savasanas, but the energy stayed really high. The final breathing was this incredible, synchronized celebration of sound and air. Chadd actually said aloud, 'Wow, that was like, the best breathing ever.' I'm not making up the inclusion of the word 'like'. NorCal represent...
I feel amazing. My class today was still a bit weak, stamina-wise, but no panic, no fear, and when I was in the poses they were so open and expressive.
Here's what bugs me. I feel fairly certain that, after this fast is over, I'll eventually cycle back to a lot of my bad habits. I have just noticed that this is how life seems to be, and I don't judge myself for it. It almost feels natural. Still, I know that when I'm in a phase of eating crap and not going to yoga and stressing out at work, I really really loathe the idea of eating healthy, going to class - I find myself actively craving roast beef sandwiches and french fries, almost defiantly. And when I'm in that place in life, I'm almost invariably grouchy, pessimistic, unenthusiastic, and uninspiring. I would love to be able to have this version of me be able to remind that version of me, "hey, even though you don't want to... go do this, you'll feel wonderful, YOU KNOW YOU WILL."